my mind keeps going and going, like it will never stop, words phrases loud, loud thoughts, screaming at me...  but, i don't know what they're saying? i turn to my feelings to try and decipher them, but to no avail, first the feeling of contentment, and love, winding tight in to a ball of anxiety and fear, unwinding back into contentment, back and forth, back and forth like a yo-yo.  my head is now spinning with thoughts of why i am feeling this way and what my mind is trying to say.  is something in my life not right, is there something wrong with something I'm doing? should i be going to school right now? should i be in a relationship right now, should i be more spiritualy active in some way? what? what is it? why am i feeling like this? make it stop! please. just make it stop. it's hurting me. a tear rolls down my cheek, my face is red with frustration. i begin to breath, in and out, in and out, focusing on the rythem of my heart beat.  baboom, baboom, baboom...  a cold tingling feeling runs threw my spine and up to the roots of my hair, making them stand on end... what is wrong with me? i mutter, why can't i just be happy?

i push the thought aside and turn my focus on the week's scedual, i have wednesday, friday and saturday i have a family picnic